Monday at lunch, I had to go out and get some drinks for Alli Claire's party that afternoon. While I was out, I went by and put up Grant's Christmas tree by myself. This was the first time in 8 years I've had to do it alone. It's also the first time we've waiting this late to get it up. Last weekend just had too much stuff going and kids had to get home for naps that we just didn't have time to do it. It was cold and I tried to be a big girl, but couldn't help but feel sorry for myself as I stood out there alone with my child in the ground with nothing to symbolize his existence other than a metal plate on the ground. I don't do that often but a few tears fell as I hung the garland and ornaments on a tree that he would never see or enjoy.
This year was also very hard to find an ornament for our family tree. We're not sure if he would be playing sports, boyscouts or what his favorite things would be. We finally settled on a Superman ornament, because I mean, what 8 yr old boy doesn't like Superman? And it's not just any Superman, either. It's a phone booth. On one side Clark Kent goes into it and on the other Superman comes out. It's really pretty neat. We've never really had a problem with picking one out until this year.
In the past few years, I've dealt very well with Grant not being with us, but for some reason, this year has been a little more difficult. Not terribly difficult, just a little more than usual. And certainly nothing to be alarmed at. I feel so blessed and thankful for our beautiful little girls, but somewhere in the depths of my soul I feel the hole that my precious baby boy left. I guess I always will until I am with him again.
I'm really not sure where this came from seeing how this is not what I was going to blog about when I first logged on. But since it is and I'm not sure if I'll blog again before next Tuesday, I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! Hug your children extra tight (you know enough to make them squeal) and tell them you love them one extra time.
Merry Christmas My Little Ones!
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing - we love you guys.
Only here for a short time, but he left a huge impact on our lives. He taught me even before I had my own babies, just how precious each life is. He also showed me that children are truly God's miracles. He is thought about often and loved always.
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